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Tomorrowknight16
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Name: Aneru (a.k.a.Taylor)
Birthday: 11/7/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: too much. drawing, singing, writing, love, trying to be happy, trying to get rid of emotions, plotting to kill others, dodging a secret organization i never should have joined...
Expertise: you're going to use this knowledge against me, aren't you?
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Other
AIM:  InuSaotome
Member Since:
6/20/2002
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As I prepare to write this blog as part of "Blog for Choice" Day, Lady Gaga starts belting in my ear "You've got a lot of, lot of nerve coming here." A fitting beginning, methinks.
I don't know why I felt the need to actually blog on this day since this place has become a bit of a random dump for nonsense. Maybe it was the fact that every Tom, Tina, Dick, Dina, Harry and Harriet has a blog these days and everyone's trying so hard to be the next Tila Tequila, Julie Powell or Christian Lander that sometimes I need to remind myself that there are average blogs whose only purpose are to inform friends of personal things I wish to share. Call me crazy. I'll admit, I DO have a "pop primer" but it's only for those of my friends who want to watch the mainstream ridiculousness of other countries and that's currently like 6 people on facebook.
In any case, this is about choice. Not the general concept of choice but that dirty choice no one ever wants to talk about. After having graduated from Wonder Woman island, one can only imagine that the chance of me being Pro-Choice is approximately 85%. Of course I'm pro-choice. I'm a woman with a somewhat liberal mind who is a major feminist who knows quite a few women who admit that while choosing to have an abortion when they did was incredibly difficult, they felt it was necessary.
I still have my problems with abortion but I'm flat out pro-CHOICE; I believe in a woman's right to choose whether she wants an abortion or not. A child is more than a huge responsibility and a woman has more responsibility for said child. This isn't my way of echoing what society has taught me in any sense of the concept; it's biological fact: a female carries a baby for the duration of the gestation period in our species. The male has no responsibility except for providing the lit match to the kindle in a woman's uterus. Thanks to the wonderful patriarchy set in the West, a man is almost entirely forgiven of anything else that occurs post-conception. Of course this is changing but how many women, albeit ridiculous, do you see on Maury having a paternity test run on their child because that man they fucked 2 years ago won't pay child support? How many men do you see dance, not necessarily out of glee, but simply to GLOAT that they don't have to take responsibility for that child? How many single mothers do you end up seeing or knowing in your day to day life? What about the children placed in foster care because their parents never wanted them in the first place? Those born to junkies and now have neural disorders? The right to choose could never get rid of all of those numbers but it can reduce them. It can foster an environment where a woman would not have to feel that her own government is pressuring her to go one way or another.
The right to have an abortion is not a natural right at all. But I strongly feel that since life is nothing but choices I should not be denied the choice. Choicechoicechoicechoice.
Fuck wingnuts.
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True to Tier 1 College/University form, Wellesley sent me an e-card to wish me "Seasons Greetings"
This e-card was a little slideshow of various landmarks on campus covered in snow with the alma mater playing, complete with lyrics on the bottom of the screen. Firstly, listening to that alma mater reminds me of movies where a bunch of rich old white men get together and have a rousing round of the old alma mater to raise spirits. It's just strange for me to envision that. Even stranger is that I and several other little ethnic girls are a part of this once so homogeneous tradition. All of this caused a surge of emotions as I watched this dinky video with fake digital snow falling from the top of the screen.
The second wave of feeling came in the form of my realizing that I can never consider Wellesley home anymore. It's where I lived for four years, it's where a significant portion of my personality, my entire person was formed, it's where I met some of the last truly amazing individuals I had the opportunity to meet. Seeing all these gorgeous photos of what I considered ordinary is strange. Maybe because I wasn't constantly bombarded with those photos before I went and while I was there, since I don't feel the same way about NYC. NYC is, by definition, glamorous and ordinary and sparkling and filthy. Who knows?
Feelings should not be allowed in reality.
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| I have the very distinct feeling that while I HAVE lost weight, it's not fat I lost but bone density. It only makes sense. Why else would I STILL look doughy as fuck and yet be 10 pounds lighter, an entire jean size smaller as well as now a whole BAND size smaller. But I still look like the Pillsbury doughboy's sister with an eating disorder.
I recognize that I have friends. I have to be an idiot not to. But I don't like being held off on the side. As if I'm the little apple crisps on the side of the dinner that is life. Why can't anyone accept me as something a little freaking more, either as a friend or girlfriend? Am I just... not that kind of a person? Cuz I feel like I could be but no one is giving me that chance. No one in NYC at least. I'm not satisfied with the idea that I'll never have a featuring role in another person's life... and yet everyone else seems to be. How do you change something like that? Really?
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I don't know what to write here. It's just been a while and it only felt right for me to write something.
Still friendless. And obviously people are out there but it sucks not having anyone to hang out with. No one calls me for anything, unless they want something from me (which is quite the lovely feeling).
School's going pretty well but the lack of discipline has been affecting me and the lack-luster shading of my life has resulted in a sinking of inspiration. It's hard to keep my energy up when I feel like no one wants me around. For fuck's sake, the only people I see on a regular basis outside of classmates (which is equal to seeing your cellmates on the regular) are my parents. And my classmates don't exactly treat me like a friend so... my life is still as stagnant as it was 4 months ago.
Yet again, something needs to change and being that I've been able to keep my shit in order, it's frustrating that what I've done hasn't brought about any decent change in the stillness.
That's about it. This is what comes up when I'm not drowning in Japanese/Korean pop music.
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The seasons are a-changin'. The weather is getting colder and it all around sucks. At this time of the year, we'd still be experiencing summer at Wellesley. But once it reached this temperature, I would just start wearing my winter coat and call it a day. But this is NYC and I have learned quite a bit about fashion and what flatters my body. And having that knowledge now means that I must NOT look like a bum when I leave the house. I was doing really well with my make-up but this week has been kicking my ass (what with only getting 3 hrs of sleep between commutes and not really getting a chance to eat breakfast. I wouldn't be so miffed about breakfast if only I was allowed to sleep just a little more.
ANYWHO, fashion. Obviously I can't afford the more expensive brand names like Dior, Chanel, etc.(those are currently found amongst my make-up and handbags). And it's not the brand that's the issue, it's the quality of clothing. I know some people consider me a snob because I never step foot into Old Navy with the purpose of buying anything. Same thing with H&M most of the time. It has nothing to do with the name, it has everything to do with quality. Sorry to say it but a blazer at H&M won't be the same as a blazer from Banana Republic, which won't be the same as a blazer made by Michael Kors. And right now, I'm in the need of some sweaters and jackets for fall that can carry me into winter. However, I HAVE NO MONEY. If I never learned that there is more to clothing than covering up your icky parts, I would have no problem. But now, with my knowledge of fabrics, style, cut and fit and their purpose in an outfit for any given season, I am simply fucked.
If I had my way, I'd spend probably close to 1500 in J.Crew alone, buying sweaters, belts and jackets (possibly dress shirts). I'd spend another 200 on jeans (from Loehmanns) by 7, Juicy Couture and Rock and Republic (if they could be tailored for free, otherwise it's UniQlo to the rescue!). Then Banana Republic for a good jacket/peacoat and a few shirts, maybe a belt or hat, some jewelry and a skirt. I could use a few more colorful polos from Reuhl and some of their nicer blouses. I'd go to the Gap for some cute knee-high and ankle high socks for the cold (wearing a pair right now) and finally Lord and Taylor's for a few missing pieces. Right there, I probably just spent somewhere between $3000 to $4000 on an entire fall to winter wardrobe. I want to say there's something wrong with me but the thing of it is that all that money will buy me pieces that I would wear, pending my weight, for at least a few years. I don't buy something and then throw it out next season, I hold onto it for as long as it serves me. On top of it, my mother and I really take care of our clothes so when something doesn't fit me right anymore, or I simply don't like it, it's hand me down time to any of my cousins or one of my mother's co-workers' daughters. There's a system and although that $3000 seems like a lot (and yeah it could help pay off my loans) it's being used immediately. The clothes fit and fit right and I'd look better in a nice structured jacket than in the floppy blazer from Old Navy I have to wear over a hoodie because I don't have any fall clothes.
Dammit, dammit, dammit.
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